allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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