I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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