Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
