i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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