Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why do cheetos always look like penises
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
