I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
