Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
should my penis look like a turkey
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
