Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
