while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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