I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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