Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
