just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
