If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize