I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
