im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
