I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
