Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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