No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
