I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
