I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
