Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
