I just cut my nipple shaving
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
