I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
