in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
