I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
