I think my vagina is haunted
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
