my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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