I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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