So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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