Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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