Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
