how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
