from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
