you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
