dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
