She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
