Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
