I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
