I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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