Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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