She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
