i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
