how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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