thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He better not be in your backpack
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
