Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
