I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
