someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
