You're so nebulous sometimes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's the barista slut.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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