I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
