Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
