Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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