eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
