P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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