Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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